We'll All Float On

And we'll all float on, okay.....



Bad news come, don't you worry even when it lands.....

Good news will work its way to all them plans........

Well, we'll float on, good news is on the way........

Alright, don't worry even if things end up a bit too heavy......

Alright, now don't you worry, we'll all float on, we'll all float on alright.

Float On, by Modest Mouse.

Just whatever.

I think one of the reasons I left Montreal is because I was sick of trying to be someone I am not. To please the crowd, please my friends, my family. I think people around me always thought I'd be the one to get a quiet simple job, a family with 2-3 kids, a house, all that kind of things.

I don't think I've ever shown them my adventurous side, my wild side. I don't know why. Maybe I got scared they wouldn't approve of my desire to explore, to do things differently. I've always been an A student, good grades, good behaviors, lots of friends, blablabla. Thought I'd go straight to University, get my degree, get a job, get married, have a bunch of kids and whatnot.

But that is far from what I want. I'm 23. I don't know what I wanna do, I don't wanna stress about it, because I don't wanna rush into decisions that I will regret. I'm living day by day and so far I'm very happy with what I do. I met such nice people here in the West, I discovered so much about myself. I realized I'm stronger than I thought, I'm more responsible, I can do things way better on my own. I'm proud to be different here in Calgary. French-Canadian. YEAH!!!!!!! I have more of an "artist soul" that I thought I have.

 I wanna feel free. The only contradiction here is that, I am an eternal, hopeless romantic, and love and relationships are taking a lot of my energy. It brings me down too. I give it too much importance. I need to let go, let go of the obviously wrong one. Okay maybe he isn't the wrong one, but right now, he obviously doesn't know what he got, and I'm trying to force him to see it, and he knows, but whatever. That's another story. What I'm trying to say is that I should be like "fuck off. I deserve better." and even though I said it out loud, I secretly hope that he'll come around, on one knee, say sorry for everything he did and tell me how much he loves me and how amazing I am. See?! Dammit.

And it's not like I'm alone. Oh no!! K, that sounds pretentious, but hey, I like to think that I am a pretty girl, and to prove that, I get hit on all the time, get multiple phone # whenever I go out, so I guess that means I'm not too bad to look at, right? So I don't fear to be alone. And I actually enjoy being alone. I don't know what it is.

It takes me forever to be comfortable with someone, to feel good and trust someone, and I don't wanna have t go through all that hard and long process again with someone new. And right now I'm still (unfortunately) in love with that stupid asshole. YA I SAID IT. ASSHOLE. He has changed, he used to be nothing like an asshole. Anyways. Wow I needed to vent. Back on track baby, I'm single, I'm pretty, and there's so much out there for me!!

Boy, you're gonna miss me.

Love,

Catherine

xxxx

Tangled up

Lies. Lies. Lies. More lies. All tangled up in your lies. Someone please make my heart as cold as ice.

 I can't go forward, you're keeping me close and I can't move on. Every time I take a step you pull me back. It's like invisible strings, and you're pulling them in the distance.

You cut one string, I have more freedom, I can move, I can breathe and I can think. You cut one more and I feel like I'm losing my balance. I kinda like it, I get used to it. I want more space, I want to run, take a few, a lot more, steps forward. Then, you come back, pull another string, wrap another one, add a couple, and I'm back to where I was.

Let me be careless please.

At some point in your life, you start to realize who truly cares about you. You might not be close with them, but for some strange reason, they have found something in you that makes them want to stand by your side no matter what.

The sad thing is that sometimes, the people YOU care about the most, the ones you give your everything, well they don't care about you. They might be pretending, you might believe they are when they are not. Or maybe, MAYBE, they really do, but they aren't good at showing it so then how can you believe they really do care? I'm skeptical about that last one though. To me, it's not hard to show someone I care about them. I'm far from being perfect, but I put lots of energy to show the people I love how much I care about them, just to make sure, when the hard times come, that they know I'll be by their side, no matter what.

I guess at some point you have to let go. If it's not worth it, if they don't give a sh*t about you, let go. It makes it even harder to do so, because YOU CARE. You wish you didn't. You wish you could forget about them and erase them of your life. Some old friends I had in the past hurt me. More than anyone ever did. They betrayed me, they stabbed me in the back, but I still care about them. I really do. I will always be there, and as cheesy as it might sound, it's true. I don't know what's going on in their lives, but if they ever need me again, I will be there by their side, no matter what.

And then you wish, "maybe they just didn't know how to show it".

Into the Wild

Ever watched that movie called "Into the Wild"? If not, stop any activities you're doing right now, no matter how important it might be, and go buy it. Not rent it, BUY IT. It's a masterpiece. Inspirationnal, great, truly amazing movie. A real story, it will makes you want to get out of your house and go on a solo roadtrip. If it doesn't have that effect on you, I'm sorry, I'm sure you'll still find it pretty incredible. And let's be honest. Emile Hirsch is not bad to look at. Not bad at all. Oops I think I have a crush, can someone hook me up?

K everyone, get your backpack ready for an adventure.

Love,

Kate

I'm in love.

Ps. I'm listening to the whole album of Hanson - Middle of Nowhere. Yeah. The brothers singing Mmmbop.

Way away

Some days I wanna scream to everyone who even just look at me to leave me the fuck alone. Don't even talk to me, don't stare at me, don't smile, forget that I even exist and give me a fucking break. I wish I could just walk and walk non stop, to another province, another country, get lost in the forest, swim in the ocean without feeling the tiredness, climb a mountain, all alone with my thoughts. Don't try to understand me, don't try to make me feel good. I can become so irritated by the most insignificant things..... like right now. STUPID PHONE BETTER STOP RINGING. I'm on edge. Right now, right this moment, I need the outdoors, the calm and the sounds and noises of the nature. I miss the beach.

How the HECK do I start a blog?!

Hi?
I've been flirting with the idea of writing a blog since I read the book "The Happiness Project" (So inspiring, so good, highly recommend it!!) a couple months ago. Since I'm a real procrastinator, it took me a while to write those first words. But THERE WE GO!!!!!!! Tadaaammmm.....it's done. I can't backtrack. I don't know exactly what my motivations are, but anyway, I'm doing it!! I heard it's super therapeutic.....It's kinda fun too. So far. I don't have the technological skills to fully understand how to do this (I'm freakin lost. what's an HTML?) but I'll try reaaaal hard to commit to this blog and write at least 2-3 times a week. I started the writing of a book 5 years ago, still working on it (told ya imma procrastinator) and I thought, why not start a blog, see if people like to read my posts, see if I truly enjoy writing, and then kick my own butt and finish the book.
I'm not gonna try to be funny, original, hipster, mysterious, or even ENTERTAIN YOU GUYS. It's a personnal project, an open journal, where I can vomit on paper (computerized paper) every thoughts that come to my mind. Hopefully, some of you will like it. I'd LOVE some feedback too. Be harsh, brutally honest. I'm trying to be a little less sensitive, you know, less emotionally affected by what other people thinks, and transform the critics into advices. USE them. Get better at what I do and the way I do it. 
I'm also in a circle of spiritual crisises since last year, or maybe the year before. I wanna run, I wanna be far from home, from people who knows me too well, from commitment. I don't want anything to tie me down, I just want to make my life "mine", enjoy every second of it, do whatever the hell I want, right the minute it crosses my mind.
Kk. Also, know that I'm French Canadian, and SO PROUD to be one. I hear you, "why the hell you writing in english, you idiot". Well because pretty much everyone understands English, but not many people understand French, and I want to be accessible to a large group of fellow bloggers and readers. But I'll use my french that's for sure. Ps I just spilled coffee all over myself, my sofa and my book (My War, Killing Time in Iraq by Colby Buzzell) so I don't know why that would be interesting for you to know, but as I said before, I'm gonna write every single thing I want, interesting or not.
Welcome to my life. Aha soooooooo CHEEZY. Totally.
Enjoy, cheers, love, and have a very nice day <3

Catherine
xx
Ps sorry if my writing sucks, if my vocabularly isn't very evolved, if my use of verb tenses is wrong, if my grammatical skills are non-existent and if I'm about as good at this as a 7years old first essay. English is NOT my 1st language.