Just live

What would you do if someone told you you only had one week, or one month, one year to live? I bet some of you would quit their jobs, and do everything they've always wanted to do. Every day, a holiday. Every day, a party. Every day lived fully to the max, doing everything that makes you happy. Some of you wouldn't change a thing, and live day by day like you didn't receive that hopeless verdict. Personnally, I would quit my job. I would travel. I would bring my family and friends with me. I would make love every day, all day and all night. With the one I love. I would read the books I've never had "time" to read. I would buy the cd's I've always wanted to buy. Dress however I want no matter what the occasion (my prettiest colorful dress on a rainy day). I would tell my deepest secrets to my bestfriends. I would declare my love to everyone I've ever loved. There's a lot of things I would do differently if someone told me "this is it, yours days are numbered.". My ultimate goal for every one of those days would be to make myself HAPPY. Live to the fullest. Not waste a minute of that precious life.

And right now I'm thinking, "WHAT THE HELL ARE WE WAITING FOR?!" Why don't we all do it now?! Now that we are young, healthy, passionate? What if in 2 years I'm not as spontaneous, and miss on things because I don't have the guts to do it anymore? THAT, is scary. Why would we wait until the ultimatum to do everything that would makes us happy? I mean, let's live it, let's do it, and then when we get old, when we get sick, we can look back down memory lane and appreciate the things we have done? We can slow down, relax, have one on one time with the loved ones and just enjoy the time we have left.

No matter what you would do if someone told you you only had one week, one month, one year left to live, make sure that RIGHT NOW, you live in the moment, live in the present, and make yourself happy. Don't think too much ahead. Just breathe, and just live. Happiness is just around the corner. Don't wait for it to come to you, go for it.

Love,

Catherine

Rainy day

RAIN. It's raining here in Calgary, and it totally reflects my mood. Nope, today isn't a bright day. I wish my mind had an umbrella. You know, protecting it from the rain and sadness. Keep it clear, dry, untouched. I dunno if I make sense here but I don't care. One word : Confusion. I'm confused. What went wrong? Why can't I express myself freely without someone taking offense in every single word I say. It's like scrutinizing my personnal life and story and judging, assuming, deciding what/why/how it is. You aren't inside my head, you can't understand me entirely, you can't hop to the conclusions by simply reading something about my PAST.

Can we leave the past where it is please? BEHIND us. Move on. Be smart here. Fuck. I'm so upset. I hate having to justify myself when I don't have any reasons to do so. I hate when someone is so fucking stubborn that anything you say just go through one ear to the other. No effort in trying to understand. Nope, none. They decide what you said, what you meant, what it means now, and it's done. Well you know what? When that happens, I just wanna say "Fine, fuck you and eat shit". Jesus. I have no more patience for this. Believe whatever the fuck you want, if that's what you want. Everyone has baggage. Now when you meet someone you gotta expect that. I don't even know what I'm saying write I'm just too frustrated. Done with the games. Grow up and when you know something's real don't throw it away, you idiot. Tabarnack de sacrament de caliss d'esti d'criss. Réveilles, connard. I hate showing love to someone who will just take it whenever he feels like it. Live the moment, let the past be the past. Even if past means 2 days ago, 2 years ago, 2 hours ago. Enjoy the present.

Have a nice day.

SASKATCHEWAN, TU M'AS PRIS MA FEMME!!!!!!!!

Okay so looks like I'm not very good at commitment. Sorry blog, bloggers, readers, friends. Almost a month has passed since my last post. I just got back from Saskatchewan!! Swift Current, if I shall be specific. Absolutely amazing weekend. First of all, I got to see my amazing friend Whitney. Man, that's when you realize how much someone means to you. When you don't see them often, and you know they're far, and you miss them so bad, because you were used to have them close to you. We went to her dad's farm, where I drove a truck and a dirtbike (applause) which is quite impressive since I don't have any kind of driver's license and scrap my face every time I hop on my bicycle (no engine, just the pedals).

I saw the flatness of Sask, and I'm not saying that in a negative way. It is SO beautiful!!!!!! I took an overnight bus so I got there around 6hrs30am, and the sunrise was magical. Same for the sunset. Gorgeous. It was like a movie scene, the girl in the bus, escaping her life and admiring the beauty of nature while listenning to some indie rock band and ballads, wondering about her future, taking a trip down memory lane, smiling to herself and picturing the face of the people she loves, has loved, soon-to-be-loved. I enjoy long roadtrip. I enjoy short roadtrip as well. Anyways.

So I got there, at the bus depot, look up and saw this face looking at me too and smiling and I felt a little rush of excitement, happiness, contentment, you know the feeling, its a fucking great one. Then, hop in the car, got a nice little tour of that small town, got to the house, jump on my Whit's bed and probably choked her a little by squeezing her hard. We recorded a cute morning voice note to our incredible friend Jessica. I saw donkeys, I saw goophers, cows, horses, ducks, goose, moose. The whole thing my friends. Not gonna go into more details, but GEE did I have a good time!!!!!!! And I got a new tattoo. A little peacock's feather, black and grey. Pretty.

I think the planets have aligned, finally. I somehow can see a little more clearly. The fog dissipates slowly, but surely. I realize I'm surrounded by the absolute greatest people in the whole world. There is NO one in my life that I can complain about. That I have negative things to say about. Nope. It's like the crew of ninja cool slash master of amazingness slash can't believe I have them in my life slash they make me feel like a million bucks slash I'd give my life to every single one of them. These people are like, the center of MY Universe. Then comes the people who are still pretty cool, not ninja class tho, and very nice and all, but that I have not that same connection and I'd probably hesitate before taking any bullets and/or arrows straight through me to save their lives. These people are like, I don't know, the.........little planets that gravitates around King Universe. Make sense? See my point? Perfect. Or "Excellent", as one of the center of my universe would say.

My heart is beating fast and furious again. I'm so passionate about life, about everything that's going on. I don't wanna miss a thing. I can't wait for Whit to come back to Calgs for grad, I can't wait for my universe to be complete again. My heart is beating loud, and I can't stop thinking about.......about.........yeah dammit. What, you think I would let all my little secrets slip away here?! You're nutso.

I fell in love at a Greyhound Bus Depot....

Love,

Catherine.